“Loyalty cannot be blueprinted. It cannot be produced on an assembly line. In fact, it cannot be manufactured at all, for its origin is the human heart.”

I read the above quote and thought how true it is. I am a true believer in loyalty and I will do any thing to remain loyal to my friends, family and employer and in return I expect the same. It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself. So what irks me is that people will say “I will always remain loyal to you” then why is it that at the last minute, they will ditch you because they would rather spend an evening out partying then with you as pre planned. Why do people promise to be loyal for life, pledge to maintain friendships for life then not bother to keep in touch for weeks on end due to sheer laziness? I know in this day and age life is a rollercoaster, but surely its possible  to snatch a few minutes here and there to maintain that all important friendship, or make that all important call .A few minutes is all that is needed or is it just indolence??

I am thinking, are my expectations too high of what I consider is loyalty?? I know that you can’t force people to sustain relationships and you can’t compel people to maintain friendships, it all has to come from within. I guess I believe that we ourselves have to have that “something” within, a “force” or an “aura” that draws loyalty from the opposite person, a characteristic of some sort that wants them to keep in touch to be loyal to be there for you. Maybe we ourselves are to blame for the lack in loyalty from the opposite person; maybe it is us that are deficient in making that lasting impression on that person to entice them towards us???

Published in: on June 25, 2009 at 4:52 pm  Comments (20)  

Sandy’s Story…



sandys story 3










As promised here is the sequel to my fiction 72 hours .I suggest that those of you who missed this post read it first to really appreciate this part .


I checked the mail box for any last minute mail. Flicking through the letters, my gaze locked on to a white crisp envelope, I examined it for its contents, scanning to see the post mark. Benjamin and Benjamin solicitors it said on it. My hands began to tremble, as I realised what was in the envelope. I suppose it was just as well that this arrived today, so that I can travel with a clear conscience and no past ghosts to intrude my new life. I prised open the envelope and read the words “Marriage annulled.”

My marriage was never a real marriage; it was more a mockery, a ridicule of the word marriage, rare in these modern times but still occurring. It was a tie, sanctified by the society, by the elders, a tie that was forced upon me. My orthodox captors believed and expected that a woman should give up all her wishes, desires, and rights. People who treated women as a possession, a place where a façade of happily families was portrayed to the outer world but in reality there was no love and respect. In their eyes the woman was just a puppet in the hands of the master.

I felt saddened at the failure of my marriage but at the same time relieved and proud to have had the spirit to have broken free from the shackles of a life that offered nothing but unhappiness and sorrow. Accepting that a chapter in my life had closed, I consoled my mind and heart to be happy. I was about to embark on a life long ambition to fulfil my dream, surely this was something to look forward to. I placed the letter back in the envelope and filed it away locking that part of my life away fore ever.

Arriving at my destination I was ready for my challenging trip to the vision aid camps in Asia. The six weeks in the camp in the tropical heat was exhausting but I had never felt so exhilarated and content with life. The appreciation of the patients who came daily for the treatments, my co workers, the love and respect that I received rapidly soothed the scars of hatred and bitterness that I had nurtured in the previous months. I felt satisfied and rewarded working in the camps and vowed that I would travel each year to do the same. The six weeks soon came to an end and I decided to treat my self by taking a well earned week’s vacation before returning back to Canada.

The hotel was wonderful, full of ambience and luxurious. Although at times loneliness engulfed me, the first time in months I felt free and independent. Breaking free from restrictions and confinement I was once again a free spirit, independent and care free. The island was beautiful and I took walks on the beach, swam and generally recharged my mind and soul. I made plans to sight see and it was on this occasion that we first met, Nish and I both hailing for the same taxi. We agreed to share the ride and fate had struck the beginning of a wonderful friendship.

Although total strangers, I felt immediately comfortable and totally at ease with Nish. In the cab our conversations flowed and we agreed to spend the day together sightseeing. Nish appeared to be younger than me but most certainly in age only not maturity. Towering to a height of almost six feet, he had an attractive sporty, rugged look with mass of dark wavy hair. Nish was jovial and fun loving with an awesome sense of humour yet he was the perfect gentle man, easy going and so undemanding. The day was so enjoyable and spending time together had been fun so we agreed to meet up the next day.

Early after breakfast we set off to explore some beaches, we snorkelled, barbequed, played volleyball and walked for miles on the idyllic stretch of white sandy beaches. The rapport between us was enigmatic .There was an aura, I couldn’t understand,something was drawing me so close to him yet I was confused . My mind was in a turmoil, I was harbouring so much pain and grief that I almost felt guilty that I was enjoying being with Nish.

I was soon jolted out of my thoughts by Nish “Hey Sandy penny for your thoughts!!! You can stop day dreaming about me I am here in person he joked!!” As he touched my arm I felt this impulse to reciprocate, oh my god what was happening to me. “How about we have dinner at that restaurant on the cliffs?? Isn’t it an awesome place and the view will be spectacular.” I turned to smile at him but suddenly “Ouch ouch I cried in pain” a crab had just nipped my foot.” I held out my hand to Nish to stable my self as Nish helped me to a near by rock to sit. Massaging my foot, he comforted me, gently cupping my tear stained face. His touch was soothing and inviting, embracing each other, our bodies entwined. No words were necessary as the passion of the last two days was apparent in both our eyes.

As the sun peeped through the patio doors, I stirred in the bed as my swollen foot began to throb and ache from the crab bite. I reached for a glass of water and there propped by the jug was a note. I picked it up and read it “Got to go, didn’t want to wake you, you looked so peaceful, early morning meeting, have dinner with me 7 pm, love Nish”. Suddenly the reality of the events of the previous evening began to unfold in my mind, the wonderful evening with Nish, the candle light dinner at the cliff top restaurant, the closeness and the intimacy. I couldn’t believe how things had happened so fast. I barely knew him. I wasn’t ready for such a commitment not so soon. My mind was in a jumble of thoughts and disarray .I didn’t want to hurt Nish  yet at the same time I didn’t want to get hurt either. I didn’t know what Nish’s intentions were, how committed he would be, after all we barely knew each other. He didn’t even know anything about my past life; would he accept me for what I am? I didn’t want to wait to find out; I didn’t want to face a rejection. I just wanted to savour the unforgettable 72 hours that we had spent together. They were the happiest moments of my life ,maybe I had fallen in love with this stranger but I was not going to take the chance. I couldn’t  risk any more hurt and anguish. I phoned reception to book my return ticket to Canada. I had to leave ….

copyright © 2009 Nayna Kanabar

Published in: on June 18, 2009 at 8:25 am  Comments (41)  

“Mean” old mom

teenage poem











I dont know the name of the author of this poem but I read it somewhere and it was so good I just had to share it here.

Son to MUM:

My son came home from school one day, with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough, to put me in my place.

‘Guess what I learned in Civics Two, that’s taught by Mr. Wright?
 It’s all about the laws today, the ‘Children’s Bill of Rights.’

It says I need not clean my room, don’t have to cut my hair.
 No one can tell me what to think, or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion, and regardless what you say,
I don’t have to bow my head, and I sure don’t have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want, and pierce my tongue and nose.
I can read and watch just what I like, get tattoos from head to toe.

And if you ever spank me, I’ll charge you with a crime.
I’ll back up all my charges, with the marks on my behind.

Don’t you ever touch me, my body’s only for my use,
Not for your hugs and kisses, that’s just more child abuse.

Don’t preach about your morals, like your Mother did to you.
That’s nothing more than mind control, and it’s illegal too!

Mum, I have these children’s rights, so you can’t influence me,
Or I’ll call Children’s Protective Services, better known as C.P.S.

Mum’s Reply and Thoughts:

Of course my first instinct was to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully, I couldn’t let this go.
A smile crept upon my face, he’s messing with a pro..

Next day I took him shopping at the local Goodwill Store.
 I told him, ‘Pick out all you want, there’s shirts & pants galore.

I’ve called and checked with C.P.S. who said they didn’t care
If I bought you K-Mart shoes instead of those Nike Airs.

I’ve cancelled that appointment to take your driver’s test.
The C.P.S. is unconcerned so I’ll decide what’s best. ‘

I said ‘No time to stop and eat, or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn to make your own packed lunch.

Just save the raging appetite, and wait ’til dinner time.
We’re having lamb’s fry and onions, a favourite dish of mine.’

He asked ‘Can I please rent a movie, to watch on my VCR?’
‘Sorry, but I sold your TV, for new tyres on my car.
Also rented out your room, you’ll take the couch instead.
The C.P.S. requires just a roof above your head.
Your clothing won’t be trendy now, and I’ll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get, will buy me something neat.

I’m selling off your Jet Ski, Dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the ‘Parents Bill of Rights’, it’s in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying, why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out, instead of C.P.S.?’
Published in: on June 9, 2009 at 5:37 pm  Comments (25)