light at the end of the tunnel…..


Circumstances in life cause us to create walls of protection around our hearts. These walls also serve to encage us when we wish to be free. It is my experience that those walls, at times, cause more pain then they prevent……………………….
Light at the end of the tunnel…………….. Maya’s fingers were numb, her knuckles white, her tear stained face showed no emotion, it seems that in less than an hour her world had turned upside down. The ambulance arrived and took away the body of her mom, the funeral came and went and all passed in a daze, the carefree Maya turned from a fun loving, scatter brain teenager into a adult overnight .Amidst the tears and pain, vanishing hopes were gone and flew away. Maya’s life became a series of ups and down.Gone was the sparkle in her eyes, gone was the irresponsibility attitude of hers and it seemed that her child hood was robbed in a mere snatch of a moment. The little spark behind those loving eyes grew ever cloudier by life’s cruel inhumane side. A world of loneliness surrounded her as the family responsibilities engulfed her together with the pressures of studies. From university she went home, did the shopping, cooking cleaning and then back to her studies. On days that have been bad, you could see the hurt, sadness and anguish in Maya’s eyes depicting the words……… “I am tired, and hurt, and sad.”

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, the hurt and cheat that Maya felt gradually began to heal and all Maya could recollect were the few precious memories that she had painstakingly collated and locked away in her heart. She tried to see beyond the pain she felt with every step and softly whispered to herself “This may get better yet.”Friends joked and laughed at university, went out to pubs and clubs but when they extended the invite to Maya she politely declined. Gradually friends stopped inviting Maya and the loneliness she felt amplified. Maya’s isolation from the world around her became more and more apparent with the increased responsibilities that Maya faced towards her family. Maya thought “how could her friends understand her world, her responsibilities, and expectations of her by the family.”

Maya envied her friends, the carefree lives that they lived, the parties that they attended, the fun and laughter that was normal in their lives. She felt like a lonely seagull that flies the winds, majesticly, soaring with gliding wings, calling her with a single screech. “Come fly with me… come here and fly!”

In these moments, grief would overwhelm Maya as she would remember her mother’s words spoken on so many occasions “To have good wishes for others, you need to have pure, selfless thoughts. Such people not only fill others with happiness, but are themselves happy, complete and content.”

Soon Maya graduated from university with top marks- she closed another chapter in her life as she moved on into the next. She found a good position as a graduate and began her daily commute to and from work. Her daily routine fitted in around her work schedule, only now there were no regular friends to chat to, instead Mayas loneliness grew ten fold as she tried to settle into her new work environment. Maya’s emotions rocketed like a ride on a roller-coaster and just making it through another day was an achievement.

Each morning she saw the regular commuters bustling and jostling each other in an aim to get a seat on the busy rush hour trains. Soon the same faces became familiar to her and these strangers became part of Maya’s good morning routine. It was on one of these days that Maya first came face to face with Ash, he too was running to get onto the 7.32 and as the door jerked closed, he collided with Maya knocking her for six. Maya dazed by the sudden collision came around to hear a most apologetic sound of “Are you ok? I am so sorry, please forgive me.” The young man helped Maya to her feet and found her a seat. “I am fine, please don’t worry” replied Maya and took a book out of her briefcase and began to read it.

Throughout the day Maya could not get the picture of the young man out of her sight as she tried hard to concentrate. The next morning Maya scanned her eyes up and down the platform to see if she could catch a glimpse of the stranger, but to her disappointment she didn’t see him. Putting her thoughts behind her, Maya spent the rest of the day busy concentrating on her work.

At 5.30 Maya decided to call into the card shop on the way to the station to buy her aunt a birthday card. As she bent down to pick up her glove she heard a familiar voice say “allow me” it was the same stranger that had knocked Maya down in the train. Maya clumsily took the glove from the stranger and paid for her purchase mumbling a brisk “thank you”, her hear beating so fast she didn’t know what was happening to her. “Please allow me to buy you a coffee” pleaded the stranger “please………. at least allow me to apologize properly, please” Before Maya could say anything thing, she found her self sitting opposite the stranger sipping steaming coffee. “Let me introduce my self properly, I am Ash. I am sorry about the other day.” “It’s ok,” Maya replied “no harm done, I am Maya”. Soon the coffee finished and Maya realised that she had to hurry or else she will be late home. She swiftly picked up her bag and mumbled “I have to go,” and ran out of the coffee shop.

That night Maya found her self humming, after a long time she felt this way. The next morning Maya took extra care to brush her hair and apply just the right shade of lipstick. She thought “why am I doing this?” Her mind wondered off in deeper thoughts ……… “I feel the winds caress my soul and soar, the streams without a goal,
my being trembles with delight, a friend I have made today.”

Deep down, Maya was secretly longing to bump into Ash again. Whilst she waited at the station, Maya felt a surge of disappointment as the 7.32 arrived, but she saw no glimpse of Ash. She trudged on to the train and started to read her book trying not to feel the disappointment overwhelming in the pit of her stomach. Not allowing her emotions to get the better of her, Maya thought to herself “I’ll try to see beyond the pain, that I feel with every step” and softly whispered to her self “this may get better yet.”That evening as Maya left work she saw a familiar figure waiting by the station. Maya’s heart beat a skip “Hi, would you like to join me for coffee?” Soon this became a routine, Maya discovered that Ash too had lost one of his parents at a young age and had similar responsibilities as Maya. He understood her pain and anguish so well. Maya felt that with Ash she could speak freely of her feeling. For the first time in her life she felt no inhibitions in opening up and confiding.

As winter turned into spring and the spring into summer, Ash and Maya continued to meet regularly .Maya’s personality bubbled, she smiled and felt happy. She hummed, bought new clothes and started enjoying life.The sparkle returned to eyes.She looked forward to her meetings with Ash. Each day held a new promise and her future at long last was clear and bright.

Maya knew that deep inside her heart that it was time to say goodbye to the grief that had possessed her heart. She knew that letting go is harder for the person left behind but she thought ,”I’ll hold with me, the memories that in my heart remain. The time has come to end the pain that had shrouded me for so long.” In her heart she thought “My spirit floats to be a part, I feel the beating of its heart, my soul, one with this bird of sea, now knows the meaning to fly free.” …………………………

 Copyright ©2006 Nayna Kanabar


Published in: on September 3, 2008 at 1:16 pm  Comments (7)  

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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Sweet story Nayna. Reading it, I felt good for Maya…atleast she got her smile, her bubbliness back.

  2. wow! that was nice work.
    Enjoyed reading it.
    Keep up the good work mate!~

  3. Lovely! Enjoyed the read! 🙂

  4. So rare to find the path of happiness once you’ve gone off it !! Very nicely done…

    Though, if I may, some more editing and spacing would make it a better read, Specially during thoughts or conversations. My personal thought on the same. Hope that’s ok.

  5. To have good wishes for others, you need to have pure, selfless thoughts. Such people not only fill others with happiness, but are themselves happy, complete and content.”

    You said it..

    beautifully written..
    a good substitute for cookies with coffeeS

  6. Real nice post and love the blog….:)

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