It was the month after Christmas and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The nuts I’d nibbled, the savouries I’d taste
The yummies I’d eaten gone straight to my waist.
The wine and mince pies,The bread and the cheese
I should have just said, “No thank you, please.”
So as I dressed myself in my boyfriend’s old shirt,
I couldn’t believe my bottom and belly- the girth!
I said to myself, as only I can,“You can’t spend the year disguised as a man!”
So away with the last of the sour-cream dip,
Get rid of the fruitcake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie, not even a lick.
Instead I’ll chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have Irish coffees, or chocolates, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly I’ll cry:
“I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore-
But isn’t that what January’s for?
“Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
For those who are affected by this poem you can ring the special diet helpline on the following number:
(Ate Nothing, Ate Nothing, Ate Nothing, Nothing to Eat)! 🙂